


When Xander Harris was a girl

by nothorse



Series: When Xander Harris was a girl [1]
Category: Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Gen, genderbender, season 4
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-06-01
Updated: 2009-06-01
Packaged: 2017-10-02 09:55:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 3,584
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5068
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nothorse/pseuds/nothorse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>After the road-trip Xander Harris had a demony accident. Now she must cope.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. ... he went to Giles first.

**Author's Note:**

> Writen for spring_with_xan 2009 on livejournal.

Actually, he probably should have checked in with Buffy first, to let her know about the freaky fireworks or with Willow for commiseration and maybe some clothes that fit. But he went with the old standby: "Freaky things" equals "Call Giles".

So he stood at Giles' doorstep, his pants drawn tight and the legs rolled up. Giles must have heard the first, very tentative knock, so he surprised Xander while he was still rehearsing his speech.

"Hi Giles, it's me Xander, I'm just back from my road-trip and there was this fire on Restfield, and I'm not supposed to be home anyway yet, so I had time and I went and wanted to check it out for Buffy and there were these demons and they were chanting and I thought chanting was of the bad and I got me some rocks and thought I could maybe get them out of the rhythm because, well rituals are pretty exact I thought and maybe I could abort them and I started throwing and they stopped and there was a freaky firework and I passed out and when I woke up, the demons were all sludgy and I'm a girl and I really can't go home that way and can you help?"

Giles frowned and examined the girl in front of him. Xander fidgeted and hitched up his pants which were sliding in defiance of the towline he had tied them with.

After a moment of uncomfortable silence, Giles sighed pinched his forehead and stepped aside in a silent invitation.

Xander let out a breath he hadn't been aware he was holding, and stepped inside.

"Oh thank god. I'm really glad you believe me."

"Xander, there are two things I have learned here in Sunnydale. One, never discount the impossible, it happens more often than you know and two, long, run-on sentences with utter disregard for grammar, idioms and breathing, are pretty much an identifying characteristic for Buffy, Willow and you. Besides, I can easily recognise your panicked expression. I do have some experience with it."


	2. ... he destroyed Buffy's emergency top.

"Hi Giles!" Buffy barged in like she always did, calling for Giles and only after a moment Xander's presence registered. She frowned for a moment, and gave Xander a perfunctory "Hiya, I'm Buffy."

Then she turned to Giles and pulled him away into the kitchen.

"I need to talk to you," she whispered, still loud enough for Xander to hear every word. "there's been a couple of strange demons these last days, didn't catch 'em fast enough, but since yesterday, they're gone." With a glance at Xander she continued, "And isn't she a little young for you? Not complaining, girlfriend-having Giles is definitely a good thing, but," Buffy sneaked a second peek and her eyes narrowed, "why exactly is she wearing one of my demon slime emergency tops?" She finally looked at Giles.

"Err, well, I'm not entirely sure how to explain that, it's rather a long story." Giles began, when Xander stood up, walked over and said, "Buff? It's me, Xander, I've been turned into a girl by some funky demons who are now slimy sludge drying in Restfield."

"You're Xander?" said Buffy, "prove it."

"The day when I had Amy do that spell, you came into the library and you wore only a." In a flash Buffy had her hand over Xander's mouth.

"Stop it right there. Consider it proven." She let go again and took a long look.

"Completely and totally a girl?"

Xander swallowed and nodded.

"Oh."

"Can we fix it?" Buffy turned to Giles, "Not that being a girl is a bad thing, but I prefer my male friends to stay male and not stretch out my tops totally unfairly."


	3. ... Cordelia Chase talked to him again.

Xander should have suspected something as soon as Willow and Buffy came to drag him to the Espresso Pump. When Cordelia entered, he froze and tried to look as inconspicuous as possible.

Cordelia stopped and couldn't help but stare. After an endless couple of seconds she smiled and said, "Well, I'd never have thought I'd become a retroactive lesbian."

She turned to Buffy and Willow. "Would you mind making yourself scarce for a bit? I want to talk to the dork in private, okay?"

Willow hesitated for a moment, glanced at Xander and after he gave a short nod, she got up and turned to Cordelia. "Just don't, ah you know."

When Buffy and Willow had left, Cordelia sat down, her smile faded from brilliant to sympathetic, she looked at Xander and asked softly, "How are you managing?"

"Okay. I think. There's bad days and worse days and there's tolerable days. I'm still wigging out when I wake up, but I'm getting used to it. Somewhat. I'm living with Giles currently. But I need to get out of there soon. The neighbours are staring. And thanks. For the not totally freaking out."

"You're welcome. Do your parents know?"

"God! No." Xander shook his head. "I couldn't go home that way. As far as they're concerned, I never came back from my road-trip. We check every day, so I don't miss the yard sale and have a chance to get some of my stuff back. For which Giles will have to lend me the money. Or they get it fixed in time, so I can go home and get it for free."

"Did Giles set you up with some ID already?"

"No. I'm still hoping to be myself again soon. And I owe him too much already."

"Goody." Cordelia smiled again. "Then you can owe me. I work with a guy in L.A., he has the contacts to set you up with a full I.D. and documentation."

"No way, Cordy. I really don't want to owe him"

"Not Angel, dweeb. Doyle. He's irish and seedy but decent and I've checked with him before I came. Just in case."

"As long as it's not Angel,"

"That's done then," Cordelia interrupted. "We'll get you photographed in the mall, when we do the important thing. Shopping. The jeans, t-shirt, man's shirt look is actually not to bad for you, but the shirts are too gilesy and you need better shoes. With that look, a pair of Doc's should be good."


	4. ... he drew the line at plucking his eyebrows.

"No. No. A whole world of no. I'm definitely drawing the line at painful self-mutilation. "

"But Xander." Buffy pouted. "You'd be really pretty. And we wanted to go to the Bronze. And I want to show off that totally hot new girl."

"Totally hot? You're kidding. I'm not hot, I can't be hot and I don't want to be hot."

"You are hot. Well maybe not the Cordelia Chase kind of hot, but good looking and nicely shaped."

Xander shuddered.

"Look, Buffy, I've done the make-up thing, and funny enough, I don't really mind it. If Oz can do it, I can. I've shaved my legs, and well, shaving is shaving. Shaving legs is actually a bit easier than the face." He grinned. "The nicks are less visible."

"I don't really want to wear the skirt and the blouse you picked out," he continued. "But I'll do it for you. This one evening."

Buffy smiled. "It's going to be great. The Dingoes are playing and Willow will do her groupie impersonation and we can dance and maybe pick up a cute guy for you"

"Buffy." Xander suddenly was very serious.

"Do not talk about picking up guys. I don't want to pick up guys and if you try to hook me up I'll be out of the Bronze within two breaths. I'll go out with you and Willow and I'll try to have fun, but please, promise me," Xander took Buffy by the shoulders. "Promise me, no setting up Xander with guys. Okay?"

"Okay. I promise. I'm sorry, I didn't think."

"It's good." Xander hugged her. "And I'm still not going to take a pair of tweezers and rip out my own hair."


	5. ... he considered himself straight, it was the world that was confused.

"So you're gay now?" asked Willow.

"Well. Not really. I'm straight. Or I'm the same I was. I like girls. And while my body is currently a little challenged in the testosterone department, I'm still me. And I really can't see the appeal of stubble and flat chests and penises." Xander took a large gulp of his coke.

"I mean, I'm getting used to being smaller and curvier and to having men look at me - which, hey, really creepy at first - but I'm still male and straight, just in a female body. And anyway, I'm really not in a place where I want another persons body part in me. Really really not. Not even with a girl. And I hope I'm never going to get to that place, because Giles and you will find a cure real soon now."

"But, but what if we don't. We're trying, really trying, but so far it's all," she trailed off.

"If you don't, then I'll cope. Somehow. But in all probability I'll cope with a girl, a woman and not with a man. I just hope Buffy will understand."

Willow smiled. "She seems to be deeply invested in your sexuality, doesn't she?"

Xander sighed. "Yeah. Sometimes I think she's trying to set me up with every cute guy she comes across, as if getting me romance fixes her record in that regard."


	6. ... he had to get a job and a place of his own.

"Xander? When you told us to meet you here, you didn't tell us you'd be working here."

"Hiya, Will, Buffy, welcome to the best Espresso Pump in Sunnydale. Yep, that was supposed to be a surprise. And I told you to come by at five, because that's when I'm going off-shift. So now that you're here early, tell me your poison and grab a seat. I'll be by as soon as I'm done."

A few minutes later they were sitting around a table and Xander told them of the morning he knew he had to brave the world outside and get a job.

"... and so Giles goes," Xander dropped into an imitation of Giles as best as he could. "Xander, I understand the need to get acquainted with your new body and situation and I applaud the fact that you're not repressing as completely as I had feared, but for the love of God, could you try to keep the sound effects lower and not at six in the morning after a long research session. I need sleep. And the shower acoustics are too bloody good."

Willow blushed for a moment and then both she and Buffy broke down laughing. Xander tried to look affronted but soon was gasping as hard as the other two girls.

"Thus," he paused. "Thus. Giles is so rubbing off already. Thus, I needed a job and a place. I thought to myself, now who do I know who's in the chamber of commerce and a high street merchant and might know a job for me and went and visited your mom in the gallery, Buffy. And wasn't that an awkward conversation."

Buffy blanched. "Oops."

"Yeah. I thought you had told her." Xander grimaced. "It took a call to Giles, to get her to believe me. But then I got a full lunch break of mothering and she told me this place was hiring and she even offered me a room at your house which I turned down, because living with the mom of your high-school crush? Even weirder than being a girl."

"And how did you swing the ID stuff?" asked Buffy.

"Oh, That was easy. When Cordelia was here, seh took that in hand. She has a friend in LA, who knows about stuff like that, and he came through nicely. You're looking at 'Lizandra Hairis'. Comes complete even with a highschool diploma. We figured, nobody would check for records in a blown up school."

"So, you and Cordy again?" Willow said with a teasing smile.

Xander smiled sadly. "No. Cordy just doesn't swing that way and I'm glad about that. I'd be far to terrified to screw this up and hurt her again. She told me she couldn't forgive the boy who cheated on her, but she could be friends with the girl I am now. And that's good."


	7. ... he was friends with Anya.

"I thought seeing you as a girl would help me get over you," she said. "But it isn't working, so I thought maybe sex would help, mainly in that there aren't any interlocking parts and then I could get past you, so will you help me?"

With these words Anya dropped her dress and stood naked before Xander.

"Look, Anya," Xander looked frantically anywhere else but at the sweet and thoroughly delightful body. "you're gorgeous and if I were still a boy, I'd be all over you to help you get over me. But I'm a girl, and a very freshly minted girl and while I had some theory and practice in being a boy, with somebody else I mean, I'm really not that far yet being a girl. Not with somebody else, nor actually alone, except for that one time under the shower and I'm gonna stop right now."

"So you're saying I have to wait until an unspecified date when you've sorted out your sexuality to try and have lesbian intercourse with you?"

"Err, pretty much, yes."

Anya bent over and retrieved her dress. "I would have to stay close to you, to catch you at the right moment of course. Well," she straightened and slipped into her dress again. "I know it's usually the other way round, but we'll just have to be friends until you're ready for sex."

Xander managed to choke out a "Oh-kay."


	8. ... he had trouble avoiding blind dates.

"Buffy, didn't you tell Riley?" Xander buried his face in his hands.

"Tell him? Oh. He's bringing another one, isn't he?"

"Yeah." Xander sighed and watched Riley and his friend make their way through the Bronze.

"Should I tell him again?"

"Nah, I'll do it."

Riley arrived that moment.

"Hi Buffy, Sandra."

"It's Xander, Riley. Xan-der, and come here a moment." Xander waved Riley to his side.

"Did you bring that guy as a date for me?" he asked.

"Graham? Yeah,"

"Riley stop. I told you I'm not interested. Buffy told you that I'm not interested. So why set that poor guy up?"

"He's a nice guy and a sweet girl like you shouldn't be alone on friday night."

"OK. Let's just make it very clear and easy to understand." Xander took a breath and raised his voice to make himself heard by everybody at the table.

"I am not interested in boys. Nor in men. I am gay, homosexual, lesbian whatever you want to call it. I like girls. Got that?"

Riley frowned, "But you, you can't be gay."

"I can't be gay? Why the hell not?"

"You're cute."

Xander closed his eyes, sighed and slammed his head on the table, repeatedly.


	9. ... helped Willow to come out.

"Willow!" Xander entered the dorm room with full bags. "I've brought everything necessary for crisis management. Ice-cream, donuts and chips and soda. So what's the trouble?"

He stopped in his tracks when he saw Willow sit on her bed, knees drawn up and smaller than she had been for a long time. Once more he cursed Oz and that were-skank Veruca for hurting his best friend.

He dropped the bags on the kitchen counter and sat down on the bed. "What's up Willow? Oz?"

Willow just shook her head. "Promise me not to be mad?" she asked in small voice.

"Willow, Willow, Will, Xanders can't be mad at Willows. The world's just not built that way. It's physically impossible." He put his arm around her. "Just spill."

"After, after Oz left I threw myself into the campus wicca group. I thought I could distract myself and there aren't any men, dunno why actually, anyway, there aren't men and I thought I'd be safe from the whole romance and heartache and stuff. And it worked too. Until," Willow hesitated. Xander just squeezed her shoulder softly to encourage her.

Willow bit her lip, then continued, "Until I met Tara. She's sweet and we're doing magic together and I think she likes me, I mean like likes me and I don't know but I think I like her too and," she finished in a hurry, "I know that it's stupid to turn gay after you came out publicly and please don't hate me. You don't hate me now, do you?"

"Will, no, I don't hate you. I can't hate you. Just, let's be very sure we don't fluke again this time, okay?"

"No. No. No, no fluke, no formal dress and you would look great in a tux, I'm sure but no. We're over that, aren't we."

"We are." Xander hugged her and held her for a moment. "See, just a best friend hug, not a flukey hug." He kissed her forehead. "I love you Will, can't help it, but not that way. And that other girl, she's a very lucky person, if she can capture a wonderful person like you. And I don't have the copyright on being gay. I think that was invented way earlier."

Xander released Willow from his hug.

"Just promise me one thing okay?" Willow nodded.

"When I get cursed to start collecting stamps, don't show me your collection."

Willow frowned, "But, you know my collection, I have that big album with all these stamps from Europe from when we were ten."

Xander couldn't help, he fell off the bed laughing.


	10. ... he finally threw away the roadmap for his life.

"Hey. How are you?"

"Hey Will. Slinging a mean double mocha and swinging at my pad or however that's supposed to go. No, seriously, all good so far."

"Can you come to Giles' tonight? Giles and Tara and I, we've found something and we'd have to check you over, aura-wise."

"I'm getting to break-time in a few, have a seat and tell me more then?"

After they were settled in a niche, Willow filled him in.

"Giles and I, we think we found the ritual. It was probably aimed at Buffy. Make her male and the slayer is gone. And Faith is in a coma, so it would have been open buffet at the Sunnydale Palace. What you did was throw off the aim, that's the last part of the ritual, and of course give them no time to ground themselves, hence the sludge. But it's pretty powerful stuff. They wouldn't take the risk of getting the spell reversed. which would have been bad. For them I mean."

"And? Found a cure yet?" Somehow Xander didn't exactly feel as eager as he acted.

"You'll have to come around after work, then we can check, okay?"

When Xander had finally come off shift, he was a bundle of nervous energy. Giles' apartment had been rearranged, a circle of some powder had been prepared and while Giles was busy in the kitchen, Willow and Tara were kind of ambiguously either comparing scrolls or necking.

"Hey. All ready to put the man back into the Xand-Man?"

"Yes, well." Giles had his inevitable cup of tea and motioned him in. "We're going to read your aura and magical alignment and then we'll know more about how to turn you male again."

"So what do I have to do? Get nekkid and step into the big obvious magic circle here?" Three embarrassed looks told him.

"Aww no. Really?"

"I'm afraid so, Xander. We have to see you as uncontaminated as possible."

"Okay. Can we get it over with right now?"

The ritual itself was pretty anticlimactic. A few pretty lights, funky herbs and if Xander wasn't completely delusional, a few appreciative glances from all participants."

"So," Xander said, after he put on his clothes again.

"I'm sorry, Xander," Willow was visibly trying not to cry, while Giles explained what they had seen. "there's no good news. You're metaphysically as female as is possible. See, everybody has a little male and a little female, but the spell turned all your male elements female, and what female elements there were, have stayed so."

"Now theoretically," Giles continued. "If one had some mystically charged items of yours before the transformation, one could try to reverse it, but it would be the magical equivalent of microsurgery with a weapons-grade laser. And the result for the caster, if he or she could even wield the power in the first place would probably the same as for the casters that originally changed you."

"Oh." The color drained from Xander's face. "Then please, don't even think about thinking about attempting that. My penis isn't worth Willow-sludge and Giles-sludge and Tara-sludge. Just no. Give me a moment?"

"Of course," Giles said. "If you want to be alone, you can use the courtyard. we'll keep an eye and a ward out."

Xander nodded his thanks and sat on the low wall for a few quiet minutes while he rearranged his world. Then she took a deep breath and walked in again.

"You're taking this well." Willow was closer to tears than Xander was.

"What am I supposed to do, Will? Rage, rage against the missing of the dick? Believe me, been there, did that, ruined the t-shirt. But," Xander looked up at her best friend and smiled weakly.

"Being a girl really wasn't in the roadmap for my life, but then, off-roading is supposed to be fun and hey, I've been growing up with that incredibly smart and great person, and she's a girl and here I am, surrounded by chicks who kick ass, and I'm thinking yeah, being one of those chicks? Might not suck that much."

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [Trans*itions (the Lizandra Hairis remix)](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1591922) by [isabeau](https://archiveofourown.org/users/isabeau/pseuds/isabeau)




End file.
